The upside of being single at 51 is that the pressure is gone. My biological clock has long stopped ticking and having a man in my life will not define it but only add to it in a positive way. For the first time, I feel like I can afford to be really picky about what I want in a partner.
Early in this journey, as I hoped to save my marriage. I had a discussion with someone regarding the biggest indicator of marital satisfaction. "Take a guess," my friend said. Like backgrounds, few money problems, a good sex life came to mind immediately. "Not even close" said my friend." It's respect." At the time, I have to admit that I thought he was crazy. I guess in hindsight that was pretty disrespectful of me.
In my late teens I dated the first real love of my life. He was hard working and to me very sexy. He was the youngest of five and his parents and two brothers and sisters doted on him. They would invite me to Saturday night dinners and I loved feeling a part of this wonderful family. Years later I was shocked to learn that his mother left his father and moved to the opposite side of the country. Even as he battled heart disease and a premature death at 75 she did not return. What had happened? I took another look at those idyllic dinners. Wasn't a part of them always the merciless teasing of my boyfriend's mother. A common response to things she said was for a member of the family to jokingly tell her how crazy she was for rendering that opinion. Who could blame her for fleeing to California.
Yesterday I had my second date with a very nice man. He is smart and certainly a good father to his children. I enjoy listening about his life but I realized yesterday besides talking about my children he never asks me about mine. Mom is just one of the many hats I wear and Mr. Right, if he is out there, will love and respect me for not just that role but the total person I am. While it is comforting to want to take shelter in a safe harbor, I know great opportunities may await me if I venture forth. Aretha, thank you for boldly reminding us what good relationships are all about.
Perfectly said! And once we learn to respect ourselves, no one can shake us from our core. I hear some folks say, "Wouldn't you love to be 20 again?" to which I emphatically answer, "No!" There is something positively wonderful being older and comfortable in my own skin. Venture forth, my friend...you deserve nothing less than the best.
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