Back in high school, my best friend Lori had a surprise sweet sixteen party for me. Among the gifts was a small statue from my friend Jason that read "World's Best Mother". I still have it to this day and if I ever unpack everything from my post divorce move, I will proudly display it. I know where your mind is going on this one. Even in the gentler days of 1975 Poughkeepsie, New York I wondered if this gift had some kind of negative meaning. "No," Jason assured me. "This is just a recognition of your tremendous nurturing qualities." Since we have been friends now for almost forty years, I believe he was sincere.
This nurturing stuff has almost come too naturally to me. Growing up in a house where my parents loved and cared for us but often had lots of conflict with one another, I wanted everyone to feel loved and taken care of. Being the middle child didn't help either. I seemed to often be the go- between my two sisters and once in a while even play that role today. Too easily, I fell into this role in my relationships with men. As you know, this has not led to the best outcomes.
If the definition of a moron is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, I was determined to be smart about things this time. Men would come to me this time around. I would not be the over nurturing girlfriend or wife. But just like a shark smells blood, guys seemed to pick up immediately on the quality I was most determined to hide.
My first post separation date involved meeting a guy who as my mother would put it "looked great on paper". An accomplished lawyer with kids the same age as mine soon had me envisioning happily ever after. My first clue should have been that he wouldn't meet me until he had a cast removed from his foot. Then came our faithful coffee. Within just a few moments after we met he confided that even though divorced over six years, his ex-wife was a major factor in his almost nervous breakdown. His health was shot and at 57 had pretty much thrown in the towel on life and relationships. He didn't need a girlfriend - this guy needed a therapist and quickly.
Thinking this was a fluke I dated a few other guys. I heard about hip replacements, bad eyes, and my all time favorite prostate surgery. Let me remind you that none of these guys were even 65. I wanted to say to them while I may remind you of your mother I am really hoping that at least one part on you is still in good working order.I sincerely hope their mother would not be interested in that!
I then thought about their reaction if I too had revealed my medical history. Yes, I would say, if you look closer one breast is slightly smaller than another because I had surgery for breast cancer back in 2000. The upside is that both are still real and the doctors who have seen my surgery scar say it is one of the least disfiguring they have ever seen. We all know at that point they'd be running for the hills.
I am not opposed at all in accepting a person medical problems and all. I would just like to know you a little more before we discuss when you had your last colonoscopy. The nurturer is still here; she is just looking for some healthy balance.
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