I guess I have to blame my father. In an age of traditional fathers, he was pretty unconventional. He cooked although it took forever to get dinner on the table and he would talk about his evening of cooking for weeks after. But in the confusing times of the late 1960's, he instilled in me one strong belief - that I could do anything I set my mind to do.
For most of my life, believing this has boded well for me. I got good grades in school, had lots of friends, and was able to get into a good college. While life provided challenges from time to time, I had a great sense of optimism and was typically certain of a good outcome. All in all I succeeded. If you can measure life by a grade, I was at least running a B+ average most of the time. That was until this mid life dating thing. For the first time I may have met my match. If quarterly grades were posted today, I would be getting a D and that would be with a sympathetic teacher.
I started actively looking three months ago today. This coincided with the announcement by my husband that he was sleeping over at his girlfriend's and would I by the way keep an eye on the kids. Realizing that he was having sex and lots of it to be certain I knew he had moved on. It was time for me to move from rescue to recovery mode and begin my dating life again.
I've written here previously about using the traditional methods of dating that I knew. Meeting through friends, meeting at work, looking up old boyfriends - all were tried and pretty quickly determined to be less effective at this stage of life. I decided to take to the internet and embrace technology for all the rewards it might provide. I created a profile and loaded a picture and off I went into the world of cyberspace to find Mr. Right or being a realist here, to have a dinner date every once in a while. I chose two sites - Match.com and Plenty of Fish - the former because of its great advertising campaign that lured me in and the latter because my sister had told me of the extensive number of dates my former brother-in-law had gotten by using the site.
I've told you about the lawyer - good on paper who was still lamenting about his ex-wife seven years post divorce. Moving on from that fiasco, I talked to Ray who had just lost his home to foreclosure. You may say I was picky but I was not quite ready to date a homeless man. Then there was Fred. I could forgive the fact that he was a Red Sox fan and we met for coffee. We got along fine but then after a week of post coffee emails all conversation died. Then there was the guy who was a Tarheels fan - I can't even remember his name who said he was lonely and depressed but then just stopped emailing. There is a lot of emotional neediness in this post fifty dating group. Men without women at this stage of life are not a pretty sight. I still hold out hope for Jim, the retired financially secure teacher who I talked with on the phone twice for three hours. He is currently sidetracked dealing with some issues with his daughter and maybe I'm the eternal optimist but I sense that this is true and not a dodge. Let me know people if you think I'm fooling myself.
So here I am - eager to succeed at this and failing miserably. I want to hear from you my readers on your thoughts. First of all, I ask you to not give me two pieces of advice that if I hear again I will indeed shoot the messenger. The first is "stop looking". Anyone who knows me will know that I can never sit by the sidelines when there is something to be done. The second is "develop yourself, get to know yourself better, enjoy your time alone...." Let me just say I am. I'm writing aren't I? I have lots of fun with my women friends, don't I? I don't need a relationship to make me complete but I'm ready to have one to add to my life. It would be nice to think that maybe, just maybe I may have sex again before I die. So I am all ears for suggestions and some really concrete ones at that. .... lose some weight, get rid of that awful laugh... that kind of stuff that I can really work on. I am especially interested in hearing from my male readers, if any, because I think you bring a unique perspective to the table. So let's get cracking, the semester isn't over yet and I still believe with your help I can pass.
No comments:
Post a Comment