Much Is Expected.....

Sometimes it is often the simplest of conversations that stops you in your tracks and makes you reflect on something in a way you've never seen it before.  This happened to me on Sunday in a busy coffee shop along Route 20 talking to a man I had just met. Hardly the place for an epiphany yet maybe the best of circumstances; words from a stranger that resonated with me in a way he doesn't even yet know.

In the last few months I've become a resident expert in coffee dates. These are those meetings when after chatting for a reasonable amount of  time on the internet both parties seeks a neutral place to safely meet and gauge if there is further interest.  My expert status may tell you that for me these have been less than successful .  Ah, I've had coffee and even lunch but have yet to have moved on to dinner and let's get crazy and imagine a movie too. Sometimes the rejection has come from the other party and sometimes from me but my level of comfort and confidence in having these get- togethers has grown tremendously in just the three months I've been doing this.

So last Saturday after talking with a widower for almost three weeks I proposed that we meet for coffee on Sunday afternoon. This was the first time I initiated the coffee and for once I was feeling like I was in the driver's seat. I had almost written him off - nearly five years younger than me, quiet and very respectful in his on line conversations with me, he seemed well - too nice. Where was that element of danger that I craved or that spark of passion I thought I needed to immediately feel? Just as I had been about to write him off earlier in the week he had shocked me. The week had been hectic and our thrice daily emails to one another had stopped when I didn't return his that Monday. On Thursday he politely thanked me for our conversations and told me that he was sorry that he had bothered me and would stop emailing me. Immediate remorse set in for me - why would I always contort myself for a jerk yet ignore a nice guy. I snapped to attention, emailed my apologies and by Thursday evening we were emailing again. Now I wanted to meet him sooner rather than later. Sunday morning he called to confirm our coffee and the sound of his voice strong and confident  pleasantly surprised me. I eagerly looked forward to our meeting.

His bland affect at our meeting made me wonder. What was he thinking? Would we be able to hold a conversation? Like a job interview that seems doomed from the start I thought please, I'm not up for another rejection again.

And then we began to talk - the conversation flowed easily for two strangers. There was lots in common - kids of the same age and funny teenage stories but we also just as easily trasitioned into world issues. In one email we had briefly touched on the demise of my marriage so it was time to talk about the death of his wife. That conversation evolved naturally as if we were two old friends talking. And then it hit me. To whom much is given much is expected.

My new friend's wife had been much like me in the prime of her life with a young family when her cancer struck. She had successfully endured chemo and radiation and  was soundly in remission for over a year  when it struck again - this time with a vengance. Told she was terminal in April with a prognosis of thirteen months to live she was dead by July and the last three months a harrowing tale of the failures of our medical system. Having listened to many cancer stories with positive and negative outcomes over the years I had never heard such a sad story told with such clarity, understanding, love, and final acceptance.

Driving back on that afternoon, I pondered this new friendship and where it might lead. Appearances can be misleading and I was now rethinking my original misconceptions. But more than that I was wondering why had she died and I had lived. Like me she must have wished to see her children grown and to grow older with her loving husband. Wasn't there some rhyme or reason as to why things happen the way they do?

I have received much in my life that is really hard to measure - wonderful friendships, loving and caring relationships, laughter, fun, and tremendous memories. For any bump in the road, there have been ten moments that lifted me up. Much has been given and it's time that I consider the gifts I need to leave for all that I have received. The thinking cap is on - this is one assignment I want to ace.