There is no I in team, but there is me

In my other life I raise money for a living. People tell me that it must be an awful job but I love it. My job in Annual Giving can be especially pressure filled. A goal is set and there are 365 days to reach that goal. It typically increases each year and in an economy like this can be challenging.

Those who know me really well understand my competitive nature. Forged in elementary school competing with our later class valedictorian Laura, I continued to want to do well throughout high school. My high school friends will remember Mr. Daniels -a tough but hunky high school social studies teacher and his infamous tests. No one got 100 but he curved the grades so that the highest score be it a 65 or an 80 set the curve. On a few occasions I relished the fact that I was the most hated person in the class for setting the curve. College at Union put me in a place with other equally competitive people and developed my social skills (sometimes a little too much to the dismay of my parents). Along the way I'm happy to say I was able to develop a good sense of self-esteem. It got shaken a little in these last few years but given the love and help of some really good friends it is still there. Which brings me back to work and in turn the larger questions of life.

As a team, if we pull together, we will do the best possible job we can. This year is particularly tough but we have many accomplishments to show from our work and if we don't quite meet our goal we will have grown together. I still have faith that we may do it. But now I need everyone to focus on the we and not the me.

Describing this situation to my friend Kevin, he told me a great story from his coaching days. Telling his young basketball team that there was no I in team one young player spoke up." Coach, he said, there is no I in team but there is me."  Kevin's gift for humor at just the right moment has seen me through more than one dark time in the last few years.

That story though got me thinking about some of the larger questions of life. The institution of marriage for example. Two people form a team and there are great victories and heart breaking defeats. If and when children enter the mix the circle expands. Collectively everyone is there to support one another and if all possess good self esteem each understands that all will benefit from the success of the other. The danger lies in thinking too much of one's self. The resulting consequences are devastating.

I have laid off from writing in recent weeks because I have been afraid to put voice to some deep feelings that I have had. I realize now that in expressing those things I will be able to move forward.

I am no longer mad or sad at the demise of marriage. I am just very disappointed and not for the reasons you might think. I married a smart and charming person many years ago. What I discovered along the way was that while we all believed in him he did not believe in himself. He was always searching and restless for the right job, the right location, and eventually again for the perfect relationship. Along the way, two marriages were destroyed and five children greatly effected. The more we got to know him, the more he couldn't bear for us to see  the real him. But we did and we loved him anyway and hoped that he loved us. All in all when it came down to it it was easier to move on than to face the personal demons.

If I have learned one lesson in life it is that I can be strong as an individual but even stronger with the grace and love of others who know the real me.  It does not diminish me but makes me even greater. It's time we all start growing up and ignored the me in team for a change. We have nothing to lose and so much to gain.